Those must be the amber waves of grain

In addition to watching Raising Arizona by myself and playing Halo with Steve, I've pretty much been working the whole summer. So, for the enjoyment of those of you who have only one really good job or don't need a job at all this summer, I'm including things I've learned from both of my employers.

Five things I’ve learned at the JStar:
1. Don’t leave a fireworks show early, or at least leave the police scanner on when you're out drinking during your shift, because if something catches on fire and you don’t know about it, you’ll probably get fired. (This happened to someone else, not me.)
2. If you ever have a question while writing a story, put the answer to that question in the story – even if it doesn’t go with the flow of the narrative – because someone else will probably have that question, too.
3. Don’t eat barbecue ribs without a plate immediately after changing into your work clothes.
4. Coworkers really like it when you bring an entire watermelon to the office.
5. Never offer to take on an assignment from someone else before you know what your own assignments are, especially if that person only has one story to do in an 8-hour shift.

At Planet Sub:
1. The customers don't matter, just do what your boss says.
2. God doesn't exist, or he/she/it wouldn't have allowed Planet Sub to exist.
3. When you work at Planet Sub during slow hours, even watching a muted ESPN talk show without captions can be considered entertainment.
4. When crab is spelled "Krab," it means it's fake.
5. Being a "Level 3 Foodhandler" is a fancy way of saying you know to wash your hands between wiping your ass and slicing cold cuts of turkey.